Kaede's Thoughts
by Vanadium Oxide
Summary: Kaede's loves her big brother! She just wished she didn't have to go. She will do her best to make him happy from now on. A collection of drabbles/notes to Kaede-san.
1. Intro

**Disclaimer:** Vanadium does not own anything from Seishun Buta Yarou (Bunny Girl Senpai). :(

 **Description:** Kaede's loves her big brother! She just wished she didn't have to go. She will do her best to make him happy. A collection of drabbles to Kaede-san. (Comfort) (Family) (Angst)

 **Spoiler Rating:** Contains Major Spoilers from Volume 5 of the series (that's the finale of Season 1 in the Anime). I really recommend catching up to the novel/show first. It wouldn't be as good if you got spoiled.

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 **Kaede Thoughts**

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 **I'm going to try something a little bit different today. It's something I haven't tried before, and am not sure if it will turn out well, but I won't know until I try.**

 **It's the first of January, 2019. I'd told myself I'd try new things. Not just for a trendy 'New Year, New Me,' but in memory of what the Season 1 finale of 'Rascal Does Not Dream of Bunny Girl Senpai' told us.**

 **This is going to be a series of drabbles: diary notes and other things from Kaede's notebook. Some of it is copied straight from the show, while much, I hope will feel both fresh, yet narrate her perspective of her little world well.**

 **I dunno if updates will be consistent. Probably more than my usual full-written stories. They should stick to around a hundred words a piece. Shouldn't be too hard….**

 **Remember! Smile!**

 **Let's leave ourselves, and the people around us, good memories.**

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 **~Vanadium Oxide**


	2. Cover

**Subject Notebook**

 **100 Pages**

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NAME: AZUSAGAWA KAEDE


	3. November 5th, 2017

**November 5th**

Kaede has decided to start writing a diary from today on.

This is Kaede's diary.

Today, Big Brother gave her, her name.

Big Brother brought this notebook and pen for her, too. Big Brother asked if Kaede liked what he got her. Kaede told him that 'This notebook cover looked pretty. She likes the color pink.'

She will do her best to write.

* * *

Kaede has a father, and a mother, and a big brother. But she doesn't really get it.

They say that Kaede has no memory.

The doctor said that it's amnesia stemming from dissociative order. It sounds complicated.

Until recently, they said Kaede wasn't Kaede. They told me that 'Kaede-san' was who Kaede used to be. But Kaede knows nothing about this 'Kaede-san.' She's never met this person.

It really is complicated.


	4. November 6th, 2017

**November 6th**

Early this morning, Big Brother and Father had a big fight. Father says that Big Brother has to go to 'school.'

Big Brother says that he needed to stay with Kaede.

What is this 'school?'

And why does Big Brother have to leave Kaede for it?

* * *

The hospital is lonely with Big Brother at school.

Kaede was sad. Father had to go to work and Mother does not talk to Kaede.

However, nice nurse brought Kaede some pudding! Kaede loves Pudding! It is sweet and creamy and Kaede feels joy after every spoon!

Kaede will tell Big Brother of this pudding when he comes back.


	5. November 9th, 2017

**November 9th**

Kaede hasn't seen mother since Tuesday. Father told Kaede that Mother was ill and could not come.

The nice nurse told Kaede yesterday that eating too much pudding would make her ill. Kaede wonders if Mother ate too much pudding.

Pudding is good. Kaede does not blame Mother for eating too much pudding.

Kaede hopes Mother will get well soon.


	6. November 15th, 2017

**November 15th**

Father asked the doctor many questions about Kaede. He asks when she will be able to leave. Kaede wonders if she can leave. The rains outside are pretty, and Kaede likes watching it from her window.

Kaede also hears Mother talking about Kaede-san to Father. Kaede-san is a very lucky person. She has two parents that love her.

Big Brother is the only one that accompanies Kaede. She is lonely when he is gone for school.

But on the weekends, Big Brother stays the whole day and night and plays games and draws with Kaede! Kaede won a lot of the games. Big Brother is very good at games, she can tell. Kaede thinks Big Brother is going easy on her.

Big Brother also draws the cutest animals. He can draw cats that meow, and dogs that bark. Kaede's favorite is the Pandas! Big Brother says they snore and go CRUNCH when they eat!

Big Brother is very nice to Kaede.

Kaede is lucky she has Big Brother.


	7. November 17th, 2017

**November 17th**

Today, Big Brother brought Kaede a new book to read!

Kaede-san is looking forward to this book, he says. Kaede tried her best to read the book but she does not understand what the characters are doing and why.

Big Brother forgot that Kaede has not read the earlier books and that he will bring them tomorrow.

For Kaede-san's sake and Big Brother's, Kaede will understand.


	8. November 22nd, 2017

**November 22rd**

Tomorrow, is Thanksgiving and Kaede is excited!

Big Brother has gotten permission to take Kaede outside! We will get nice food to eat and walk around a lot in the rain!

Kaede wonders what the rain feels like. Will it be cold and tingly like the window?

Kaede and Big Brother will also be going with Big Brother's friends from school. If anyone deserved friends, it is Big Brother. Kaede wonders what these friends are and what they look like. Big Brother won't say.

It's a surprise.

It is unfair. Big Brother's friends know Kaede. Kaede does not know Big Brother's friends.


	9. November 25th, 2017

**November 25th**

Outside is scary. The men at the restaurant yelled so much during Thanksgiving.

Kaede hears how Kaede-san was hurt by outside people as well. Her parents do not say, but Kaede knows.

Are all outside people like that?

And when she went outside, the rain was nothing like Kaede wanted. The rain is wet and cold and made Kaede shiver and got into her clothes. The clouds are just another roof from the blue sky, like the hospital.

The hospital has a warm bed and pudding, and Big Brother.

Kaede doesn't need to go outside.


	10. December 2nd, 2017

**December 2nd**

Since Thanksgiving, Big Brother hasn't asked Kaede if she wants to go outside again.

It is good. Kaede does not want to go outside either.

Big Brother still visits Kaede everyday and. Some days, Big Brother's friends, Rio-san and Yuma-san are very nice to Kaede. Rio-san is very smart and teaches Kaede math and science.

It is important that Kaede still learns, so Kaede-san does not get behind.

Kaede is glad Big Brother's friends come visit her. The nice nurse who first gave Kaede pudding is gone, and the new one does not talk to Kaede. Father and Mother come often, but they do not want to talk to Kaede. They want Kaede-san.

They want her back.


	11. December 10th, 2017

**December 10th**

Mother and Father looked awfully more pained today. Father spoke to the doctor the entire time. Over and over, he kept asking the doctor, 'When will she be better?'

Does Kaede have an illness?... Is Kaede an illness?

Kaede has thought on this much.

If Kaede-san gets better, what will happen? If Kaede-san's memories return, what will happen to Kaede? Where will Kaede go?

Thinking about it made her scared, and she cried.


	12. December 12th, 2017

**December 12th**

Tomorrow, Kaede is going home.

The doctor says there is nothing left for Kaede at the hospital and that familiar places might be good for Kaede-san.

But home is not familiar to Kaede. The hospital is familiar to Kaede. Hospital is home.

The doctor also prescribed medicine for Kaede to make Kaede-san better.

Kaede doesn't know what to think.


	13. December 13th, 2017

**December 13th**

Today, Kaede returned home. Her parents let Kaede use Kaede-san's room.

Kaede has seen Kaede-san's room but did not appreciate it the first time.

Kaede-san's room is nice and pink with cute animals and lots of books! Her favorites are a cat and a panda. The panda looks just like Big Brother's drawings and she wonders if the drawings are of Kaede-san's toys instead of the real animals.

Kaede-san's things are nice, however, Kaede is unsure if Kaede should use this room. Her parents and Big Brother tell her it is all perfectly fine and her's, but they are not. These are Kaede-san's.

She feels like an intruder and is stealing Kaede-san's things.


	14. December 16th, 2017

**December 16th**

Kaede has been feeling uncomfortable being among Kaede-san's things.

Big Brother has let Kaede sleep in his room.


	15. December 17th, 2017

**December 17th**

Big Brother has had less time to spend with Kaede lately.

Big Brother has been getting more busy with school. His school year is ending, and his yearly exams are happening soon. Big Brother needs to study, her parents say.

Kaede is lonely when Big Brother is away at school. Kaede knows that Big Brother has responsibilities, but she wishes she could always be with Big Brother.

Her father is never home, and her mother is reluctant to look at her.

So, Kaede has only Big Brother's bed and Kaede-san's books to accompany her.


	16. December 23rd, 2017

**December 23rd**

Today was Big Brother's final day of school and when he returned he brought Kaede a present. An early Christmas one!

It is a cat!

He has also brought cat things like Food Bowls and Litter and many toys.

He told me that he was regretting not being able to accompany me all day, and knew Kaede was lonely. Kaede immediately forgave Big Brother.

Big Brother is kind, and understanding of Kaede.

Big Brother and Kaede went through the rules and how to take care of Kaede's cat.

Kaede has a lot of time. She will learn.


	17. Kaede's Cat List

**Kaede's Daily Cat Tasks!**

-Refill Water Bowl

-Feed Cat

-Clean Litter Box

-Play with Cat

-Groom Cat

! Cat Needs a Name !


	18. December 28th, 2017

**December 28th**

Kaede's cat does not like it when Kaede and Big Brother tries to wash her. She roars at Kaede and scratched at Big Brothers arm when she gets wet.

Big Brother tells Kaede lots of cats don't like getting baths. Kaede finds this strange. Kaede hates it when she gets smelly and icky and she loves the warmth of a bath.

Cat also needs a name. Kaede doesn't know what to name her.

Big Brother won't help. He says that the cat is Kaede's and that Kaede needs to be the one that names her. But Kaede doesn't have good names for a cat. Why can't he name her?


	19. January 1st, 2018

**January 1st**

Big Brother says that today is the first day of a new year, and that it is a special occasion for Kaede. Today will begin the beginning of the first year where Kaede will be Kaede.

Kaede is scared of this prospect. She has been trying to be a good sister, and even learned to do some chores like washing the dishes and taking care of the Cat, but Kaede still has a lot to learn.


	20. January 2nd, 2018

**January 2nd**

Mother collapsed this morning and Father and Big Brother took her to the hospital.

It was the first time Kaede was left alone at home. Well, Cat was still with her, but Cat does not talk back to Kaede.

Big Brother returned at night. He tells Kaede Mother has been overworking. Kaede is worried she hasn't been helping with the chores as much as should be.


	21. January 16th, 2018

**January 16th**

Yesterday, Brother returned home with some new books for Kaede. He tells Kaede that he noticed she has run out of things to do.

Kaede doesn't mind. Brother has been on break from school for the last month, so he has kept her company by helping her draw and play with Nasuno.

Oh! Kaede has decided to name Nasuno, Nasuno! Nasuno was a favorite character of Kaede-san's Big Brother said, and Nasuno is Kaede's favorite cat!


	22. January 27th, 2018

**January 27th**

The house has been quiet for the last few weeks since Mother left. Father has spent even more time working and Brother has busied himself into Mother's tasks. The quietness of home feels empty and the house feels too big and lonely, even when Kaede is reading with Nasuno in her lap.

Brightside, Nasuno has grown very big and healthy! Big Brother congratulated her a few days ago, and Nasuno meowed in agreement.


	23. January 29th, 2018

**January 29th**

Mother returned home today! She was quiet and had to be brought in a 'wheelchair.' Big Brother says wheelchairs are made for people who aren't healthy enough to walk.

Kaede said 'Good Afternoon Mom' when she returned, but Mother didn't seem to hear. She doesn't seem to hear any of Kaede's words and she didn't seem to notice when Nasuno pawed at Mother's legs. Kaede found it strange. Mother always squirmed when Nasuno pawed at her.

Big Brother says that Kaede that it was normal. Mother wasn't noticing anyone as of late.


	24. February 3rd, 2018

**February 3rd**

Mother finally spoke today. She talked to Kaede-san and about how she is precious to her. Kaede-san is lucky. Her family loves her and misses her.


	25. February 9th, 2018

**February 9th**

Big Brother is so studious. He returned from the library with some books for Kaede and study materials for himself. Big Brother is readying for his entrance exams. Minegahara High is his goal. Kaede hopes he does well!


	26. February 12th, 2018

**February 12th**

Kaede saw on the TV that Valentine's Day is coming up. The show people told about how girls all around the country are making chocolates for the boy they like.

Kaede wants to make chocolates for Big Brother! Tonight, she will ask Father to teach her.


	27. February 13th, 2018

**February 13th**

Father and Kaede learned to make them together! Father said it had been a long time since he had first learned how to make chocolates - he had made chocolates for his parents when he was Kaede's age and said it would be nice that he and Kaede learned it together.

Kaede and Father decided to make chocolate biscuits for Big Brother and Mother. Father says Sakuta liked baked things better than sweets, and Kaede had to agree. Sakuta rarely ate the sweets he brought back home for Kaede, even when Kaede wanted to share, Sakuta didn't usually eat.

The baker on Father's phone was very good at teaching, and after Father went to get the supplies, he and Kaede were able to make chocolate cookies! They even made cute drawings with frosting on them!

Kaede got very messy! But it was still fun learning (and eating).

Brother came home just after Father and Kaede cleaned up.

Kaede hopes Big Brother likes them.


	28. February 14th, 2018

**February 14th**

Mother collapsed again this morning.

Father says she is really sick, and will need to go to the hospital again.

Big Brother and Father had a big fight after Father came back. Big Brother wants to stay home to take care of Mother and Kaede while Father is at work. Father wants Big Brother to continue go to school.

Kaede wants to take care of mother but she doesn't know how. Maybe Kaede-san would know how, but Big Brother and Father takes care of everything. She wants to help, but she is afraid.

After Father left for the hospital again to check on Mother, Brother was sad. While Big Brother thought Kaede wasn't listening, she heard him whisper that it is all his own fault.

Kaede doesn't know why Mother is sick, but she knows that it isn't Big Brother's fault. She tells him this, but he doesn't listen and tells Kaede that he's late to school.

Valentine's Day is ruined. Big Brother and Mother left without their biscuits.


	29. February 16th, 2019

**February 16th**

Big Brother didn't come home the last two nights. Kaede asked Father, and Father says that Big Brother is stressed from school tests and Mother's sickness and needs time.

Kaede is worried for her Big Brother and Mother. She doesn't know how to help make them feel better. The chocolates biscuits were Kaede's try. She tried hard, but she was too late. Kaede-san would know what to do.

Without Mother and Big Brother home, Kaede and Nasuno spent a lot of time together and she taught Nasuno a new trick! Nasuno can now roll over, like the dogs on the TV. She hopes she can show Big Brother when he returns


	30. February 17th, 2018

**February 17th**

Big Brother came home this evening while Kaede showered. She is happy that Big Brother is home safe and gave him to biscuits she made for him.

Big Brother brought home some chocolate for Kaede too! Chocolate pudding! Kaede and Big Brother traded chocolates and shared them. The biscuits and pudding taste good but they taste magical together!

Kaede wanted to share with Nasuno as well but Big Brother says Kaede shouldn't feed cats Chocolate. Kaede is sad for Nasuno. Chocolate is yummy!


	31. February 20th, 2018

**February 20th**

Big Brother says Kaede is very good at caring and training Nasuno and that she should work as an animal trainer! She very much likes the idea. Kaede loves animals and would love to play with them like she does with Nasuno. She likes cats and dogs and birds and fishies!

Kaede's father likes the idea too, but reminds her that Nasuno is a handful for now.


	32. February 23rd, 2018

**February 23rd**

Big Brother and Father have been arguing more lately. Big Brother wants to go to school somewhere else but Father worries about something called a commute.

Kaede asked Big Brother later what was a commute. He laughed. He told her a commute is how long it takes to get somewhere far. Minegahara is far, he says. He wants to start somewhere new.


	33. March 7th, 2018

**March 7th**

Kaede's father and Big Brother have been talking a lot this week. Kaede doesn't know much of what they are saying. But it is decided that Kaede will be moving.

Big Brother said that Kaede can choose which things she wants to bring with her.

She is still a bit uneasy of all the things that are in Kaede-san's room. She decided to bring the bookshelf and the books, at the least. Kaede-san has collected a lot of books.

Nasuno will be moving with us. She is happy to have Nasuno come along!


	34. March 8th, 2018

**March 8th**

We have arrived at our new home.

Someday, when Kaede is all healed, Kaede-san is sure to return.

Kaede wonders if Kaede-san will be as lost as Kaede was. Kaede does not worry. Big Brother will be there for Kaede-san when she does return.

So, in this new home, for the sake of Big Brother, who let Kaede be Kaede, she will do her best to be a good little sister.


	35. March 9th, 2018

**March 9th**

Last night was the first time Kaede did not sleep in the shadow of Kaede-san's things. She doesn't know what to think except that Big Brother and Nasuno are not used to their new home either.

Big Brother says a lot of things are going to change but that he and Kaede will be okay. Nasuno agrees.


	36. March 13th, 2019

**March 13th**

After a long wait, Big Brother came home with big news! He was accepted to a high school and will start going this spring. He will be attending Minegahara High School.

Big Brother has wanted to go to this school for a long time! Kaede is very happy for her big brother. She is not surprised. Her brother is very smart and studious. He works hard for Kaede and for himself. She is proud to have a brother like Big Brother.


	37. March 19th, 2018

**March 19th**

A big decision was made! Big Brother is going to get a job like Father!

It will mean he will be away during some of the day, but Big Brother says it is to help buy better food for Kaede.

Kaede does love the instant-ramen but she agrees. She would like new food... and pudding.

She tells him she agrees. He laughed.


	38. March 24th, 2018

**March 24th**

Big Brother is going to do his job for the first time today! He is working as a server at a family restaurant! Big Brother looked funny in the clothes work has given to him. With his new haircut, he doesn't look like Big Brother. He looks distinguished.


End file.
